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Norbert - Drums, Bass, Synth
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When The Fingolstones (well Norbert) announced their first new track since the release of the Ballarse album, fans worldwide rejoiced. Non more so than Uber fan Paul "Goffy" Gofton. Writing in the March 1st issue of Take a Break Magazine he had this to say:
"I was so excited to hear that the Fingolstones had been back in the studio that I almost forgot that I absolutely detested them" Things got worse for Goffy when he heard the new track for the first time: "I almost fell off my chair when this hideous noise came blasting out of the stereo and when I realised it was yet another "song" about the chuffin Charmer I almost ate a cheese sandwich" Yes, it seemed like The Fingolstones had learned nothing, 34 years writing songs about the same subject over and over again. But, there was a good reason to return to this tired old theme and that was love. A love story like no other. As long time fans would know The Charmer had one true love in his life and that was Julie, known to all as Bulgie due to her ample bosom. The Charmer first met her as he approached middle age and she approached the 6th Form. With such an age difference society as a whole didn't approve and his mates just took the piss. It was with a heavy heart that he had to let their love go and move on. As he left her standing in the Avenue one Satdi neet with tears in her eyes he walked away, softly humming to himself a well known tune by Gary Puckett and the Union Gap. Heart broken The Charmer threw himself into a life of debauchery but he never forgot his first and only true love. The years passed by and the portrait of himself he kept in his attic obviously did its job as The Charmer failed to age. Tiring of his bacchanalian lifestyle The Charmer hired a private detective to track down Julie. The PI however was unable to locate her so The Charmer messaged her on Facebook instead. It was as though the previous 30 years had never happened and they fell in love all over again. They are now happily engaged and are gainfully employed as professional selfie takers. They are the living embodiment of the old saying "true love always finds a way". |
20th Century Forbidden Love
He had to wait till now till she was old enough Operation Yew Tree would have a ball If upon the charmer they’d call It was 30 years ago that he met Julie She was 14 he was 43 Hello darlin can I buy you a beer She said no thanks I’m too young to be here He said that’s fine come on let’s go She said are you one of those peados The charmer said no that’s not true But I’ve got a lot to offer a girl like you 20th Century Forbidden Love He had to wait till now till she was old enough Too young to say yes but she couldn’t say no Not even Plumby would stoop that low He spent the next few years in the company of munters Looking over his shoulder for peadophile hunters. With Julie off the scene he’d play it cool Hanging round the gates of the local school Do you wanna see some puppies do you want some sweets He’d give em 20 quid to sniff their bicycle seats He’d take tea with Jimmy, drinks with Rolf And join Stuart Hall for a round of golf 20th Century Forbidden Love He had to wait till now till she was old enough Too young for drinking too young for the pub He’d take her roller skating at the local youth club Then one day he thought he’d take a look To see if Julie was on Facebook He couldn’t be a kiddie fiddler all his life He knew the time was right to take a wife Now they’re as happy as they can be The King and Queen of the Facebook selfie The Charmer has a plan now he’s caught her Cos Julie has a teenage daughter 21st Century Forbidden Love Chancer doesn’t care if she’s old enough They say a Leopard doesn’t change its spots And that’s so true of Andrew Fox Glitter, Savile, Harris, Epstein They’re amongst the worse that there’s ever been But give him, opportunity give him time And Charmer could be the next Harvey Weinstein |
The King and Queen of the Facebook selfie.
The Charmers theme tune.
