The Fingolstones Firemen
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    • Ballarse >
      • Ballarse - A Critique
      • Daz's Pants
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      • 8 Pints
      • The Ballad Of Booga Benson
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      • Jimmy Savile Never Loved Me
      • Jamie
      • Biggie
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      • Clearly Something
      • Group 2 Song
    • The Age Of Aquarius >
      • The Age Of Aquarius a Critique
      • 20th Century Forbidden Love
      • Don't You Want Me (2020 Redux)
      • The Charmer Of The Salty
      • Lightweight Lager Lad
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​Having bared their soul on the last album (see review), it was time to bare all on the cover of the next one. In fact this album was pretty much a solo project for Norbert, who like his musical idol Dennis Waterman, would not only write and sing all the songs, but also compose and play them on a bewildering selection of instruments - an advert for his virtuosity (and GarageBand for iPad).

Appropriately enough the cover features a naked Norbert swimming in the king-size paddling pool he had installed at the new mansion he and his wife had recently moved into. Ever careful with the pennies, Norbert had refused to have heating installed in the pool as it cost too much. "Ee, it were bastard freezing in that pool", Norbert recalls of the photo-shoot for the front cover. "I had to have a swift tug before that picture. If I hadn't got a lazy lob on then you wouldn't have been able to see mi meat n two."

The results of that particular solo venture were not impressive, but the album itself is not bad ... well, not terrible ... at least not when compared to some of the others. The opener is Daz's Pants, the mysterious tale of the inexplicable theft of Mr Jolley's besmirched briefs. Traumatised by the loss of his well-worn kecks, Daz had in fact written in to Crimewatch; however, that edition of the show never aired, because when he read the script presenter Nick Ross shat himself laughing. The second song and a low point on the album is the vitriolic character assassination of guitar maestro and former Fingolstone, Dobba. The wizard of the fretboard turned down a 5-figure sum to play on the new album (£3.23 1/2 p - all that could be found in the kids' piggy banks) and Norbert exacted revenge in this hastily penned number - legal proceedings followed and an alleged eye-watering out of court settlement of half a mild and a packet of pickled-onion monster munch.

Norbert determined to get some real musicians to play on his next number and enlisted Thin Lizzy, or at least a backing track that sounded like them to accompany him on a delve into drunken forays of yore with Frisky in the Bar. This tale of drunken lust in north Derbyshire backed by an Irish rock-band is inexplicably sung in a southern American drawl, but let's not be picky. 8 Pints continues the theme of crapulent cupidity and the canon of Booga's misadventures is once more a happy hunting ground. Many critics noted the poignancy and self-parody of 'Writing Songs Nobody Wants To Hear' and thought this signalled the end of the Fingolstones musical career - alas, no.
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