Norbert - Vocals, Bass, Guitar, Drums, Trumpet.
Daz - Vocals

In the late 80's Chez Vegas pub and club scene there were many characters who would brighten up a neet art rarnd tarn. One of the most famous was the Deaf & Dumb Lass. An unfortunate young lady who was indeed deaf & dumb but also possessed a most intense sexual appetite. She would regularly flash her bits at any man within her immediate vicinity and if they were particularly weak willed then she would lure them away and let them do unto her whatever they so wished.
Looking back now of course it is easy to see that she was actually mentally ill and any man taking advantage of her was probably committing some kind of criminal offence. Fortunately none of the possee fell into her trap although Bucko did come very close on one occasion.
However one of the Possee's associates did fall into the trap. This was Dean Plumb,famous for his stripey shirts and being a star midfielder for the Salty Club football team as well as a notorious womaniser. He, it seems, was sadly unaware that it was not the done thing to go anywhere near this lass and actually boasted of his conquest, some seedy episode involving a toilet and at least one other unsuspecting youth. This of course became the source of much merriment for the possee but as for Plumby it seemed not to bother him one iota and he actually seemed quite proud of it.
The Deaf & Dumb Lass (no one knows her real name) also had a habit of walking round and bumping into invisible walls, quite funny to watch at the time but looking back it was clearly a further sign of her mental illness. Oh what rotten bastards we were.
In the early 90's the Deaf & Dumb lass disappeared from Chez Vegas but in the mid to late 90's Norbert met her again when in the course of his official duties he had to evict her from a pub in Buxton where she was trying to feel up all the blokes. Her current whereabouts are unknown.
The song itself is an upbeat jaunty number with Norbert on main vocals and Daz singing the chorus. It has proven to be a popular song with the fans. The song was mainly written by Daz.

Plumby - No Regrets

Oh what a tale that girl could tell
If she could only speak
You'd see her out all the time
Each and every week
Making bids and spilling beer
She'd make a right show of herself
She's probably middle aged right now
Perhaps left on the shelf

Chorus
It's a story of a deaf and dumb lass
Massive norks and a massive ass
Walk into walls that just weren't there
She was a really ropey mare

The boy Dean Plum was quite a lad
Said he'd had a portion
She'd only sucked his helmet though
He'd exercised some Caution
His barnet dripping with cheap gel
He looked a bloody sight
With stripey shirt and spotty face 
He'd give the chicks a fright

Chorus

He used to tell a right tall tale
Of pulling with Dean Wagstaffe
And when he'd join us on the ale
Christ he'd make us laugh
His chat up lines were pitiful
With the ladies they'd always miss
But to pull the deaf and dumb lass
He learned sign language for "get on this"

Chorus

We'll never know if it was true
As the poor lass can not chat
But if she could speak I bet she'd say
"What me go with a twat like that"

She looked a bit like Marjorie Dawes
Off popular comedy Little Britain
And yet she seemed to see herself
As some kind of sex kitten

Chorus