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Dobba - Vocals
Daz - Vocals Norbert - Vocals, Drums, Bass, Keys Limahl - Vocals Tyree Cooper - The Producer |
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This track was originally planned to include more verses. Drafts were written but the sheer length of the first three forced a rethink by the band. The studio tapes were still running and during the mastering of the tapes a faint conversation could be heard in the background. Audio enhancement technology has been used and that long ago conversation recovered and transcribed.
Norbert “I’ve started working on the lyrics for verses 4 and 5” Dobba “Seriously no one listens to this shite anyway, what’s the point” Daz “I agree, let’s go to the pub” Dobba “Good idea first rounds on me” Norbert “But I’m a lyrical master, the fans deserve this” Daz “Admit it you sad twat, we haven’t got any fans you only do this cos you don’t want to grow up” Norbert “Hmm true, mines 8 pints of shandy” Here are those lost lyrics. Who knows how long this crap would have gone on for if they’d committed them to tape. I’m fat man Bunny I eat lots of pies The bitches all love me for my massive size Me bellys so fat the biggest you seen You can bounce upon it like a trampoline Now the ladies all know me I’m Deano Plumb I likes me bitches deaf and dumb When I talks to the ladies they gets excited When I tells em I plays for Man Utd |
And in Sports news Saltergate Club have injury problems ahead of this Sundays bottom of the table clash with Ashgate Croft reserves. Currently on the treatment table are Andy Bunting (hands), Mark Jones (Ego) and Andrew Fox (ankle, knee, thigh, calf, hamstring, shin, toe, back and barnet)
I’m MC Charmer, used to live at Old Whitt Me Schmutters shocking and me barnets shit The ho’s all love me gap toothed grin Me crooked nose and me dodgy pin I’m really into this fashion lark Me clothes are all made by Paul and Shark I’m nearly 70 or so I’m told But I like to dress like a 20 year old People dis me say me schmutters shite Me jeans too baggy and me trainers too white I can’t help being a fashion icon So turn up the bass and switch the mic on I spends all me cash on brand new threads When I was young I had me hair in dreads No one believes me but it’s true I looked like that twat from Kajagoogoo Me be’atch is Rachel she loves me lips She likes to feed me chicken and chips I likes to stroke her little pussy That’s her cat called Willow, she aint no hussy I goes down the Salty and plays lots of pool With me spiky hair I looks real cool I don’t take Rachel cos she’s too bossy I just chills out wi mi Salty possee Crowd trouble broke out at todays F.A Cup 3rd round tie between Aston Villa and Chesterfield. Police are hunting a short tubby youth wearing an A.hat and a Stone Island Jacket. He was last seen looking confused and beating himself up whilst shouting “come on where’s your lads”. Yo I’m John T Lawson, me boys call me Laws I likes faytin and dirty whores Crusin round town makes me feel harder Bangin out tunes from me Fiat Strada I likes bustin heads when I watch the Villa Don’t dis me cos I’m a mutha fuckin killa I’m a patriotic geezer a real top man I’m in the BNP and I’m an England fan The feds won’t let me cross the national border It contravenes me football banning order Come on losers where’s your lads Don’t fuck with me or I’ll kick you in the nads I like to get pissed like to get merry I wear Stone Island and lots of Burberry Don’t call me no pussy don’t call me fat Don’t take the piss out of me A.hat Don’t fuck with me you aint got no class I’ll get me Uzi pop a cap in yo ass I used to be a butcher worked for Dewhurst Ate so many pies that me belly nearly burst I used to be tubby now I’m much thinner I don’t eat as many burgers for me dinner Don’t mess with me don’t gi mi no sass Or I’ll stick my mutha fucking foot in yo ass Me best mate Bones used to have me in stitches Crusin round town lookin for bitches But dem bitches were no good far to mardy They used to call us Laurel and Hardy Don’t fuck with me you mutha fuckin whores No one messes with Jonah and Laws Police and Trading Standards today conducted a major raid at the home of a Mr Mark Jones. A spokesman said “todays raid has dealt a significant blow against the illegal trade in fake clothing, over 200 items of counterfeit Burberry, Stone Island and Ice Wash have been recovered. In total the haul is worth at least £2.50. Yo big it up there I’m Marky Jones Me best mates Laws and he calls me bones Some folk say I’m a real nutter But they come to me when they want fake schmutter In HMP Donny I did sum time Smackin me bitch up was me crime Me XR2I I loved the most But got pissed and crashed into a lamppost I wear gold earrings one in each ear But that don’t make me no mutha fuckin queer I used to have a bitch her name was Claire Then one night she came creeping up the stair Caught me in bed with another ho Knelt down on me giving me a blow The bitch went mad and then of course She served me papers and we got a divorce To watch Sunderland I’d go the extra mile But I don’t like the Welsh so aint going to Carlisle Used to have a crib in the Birdholme ghetto Bought jeans from Gills market and food from Netto Now I have me base in a Newbold area It’s not like Birdholme that’s much scarier. |
