Proud is the longest song ever recorded by the Fingolstones, clocking in at an impressive 7 minutes and 17 seconds. Coincidentally that’s also the exact length of time it takes Norbert to become totally inebriated after one sniff of the barmaids apron.
The song itself is an epic tour de force covering the history of the Fingolstones Firemen from their initial formation to the rehabilitation of Daz back into the band for the recording of the album that eventually became Fingolstones For Sale.
Propelled along by a thundering bass line interspersed by soaring and crunchy guitar chords it was quite an experimental track, seen by many as one of the first big cross overs of the electronica and rock genres.
Unfortunately there were to be downsides caused by its sheer scope. Radio One refused to play it as it was just too long (or too shite, I forget which). Fans also had issues with its length (something the Charmers young girlfriends never had).
Uber fan Paul “Goffy” Gofton had this to say when asked about the track in the September 10th 2008 issue of The Beano. “What? Oh you mean that really long one, oh I haven’t listened to it, got better things to do, like waxing my toes”.
It is estimated that around 95% of Fingolstones Fans have never actually listened to the song in its entirety after giving up the will to live shortly after the start of the second verse.
The song is also notable for the return of Norberts ohoooooooooohhooooo warblings, last heard on 1987’s Stairway To Intrest. Fortunately for music lovers everywhere Norbert has since been neutered and is now no longer able to emit such sounds.
Norbert demonstrates why he's Proud to be a Fingolstone as a floppy haired Dobba looks on.
When we sat in our lessons at Chezzy Boys School
We thought they were boring and really not that cool
Dobba would sit doodling with a pen held in hand
Then he had a brainwave, said let’s go form a band
I can play a mean guitar and that’s a real good thing
We’ll put Lee on vocals although he just can’t sing
And then we’ll sit down and write some really catchy tune
And Booga, well we’ll let him play the spoons
And so the very next day they went and got some ale
And went down to the studios at the place they call Cheedale
There they wrote some silly songs and put them down on tape
And dreamed of how to spend, all the money that they’d make
Then after getting loads of John Smiths bitter down the pub
They went and played all their songs to the arsehole club
After getting no response not a single clap
The arsehole club said it’s cos, all your songs are crap
Ooooooooooohoooooh you’re never alone
When you’re proud to say your a Fingolstone
Heeeyyyyyyeeeeyy what can I say
Proud to be a Fingolstone right to this day
Then Booga left the band to go and lift some weights
But then he never had the talent of his two band mates
They finished off the album and thought it really brill
But everyone they played it to, it made them really ill
For the next 5 years the boys they took a break
Then in 92 a second album they would make
They brought in some new talent to see what it would yield
A poseur called The Charmer, and a slacker called Rob Shields
But The Charmer was a paedo something we should have seen
When all the girls he chatted up were only aged fifteen
He got his marching orders and we sent him away
Now he’s pals with Gary Glitter, what more can I say
Lee and Dobba realised they needed Booga back
So they had to give poor old Shields boy the sack
Though Boog’s was a drunken wreck and always off his tits
He leant his vocal contributions, to the albums biggest hits
The band it grew too big too quick which only led to pain
As Dobba got addicted to smoking crack cocaine
And Lee he couldn’t cope with it his head was in a spin
He soon became addicted, to snorting Ventolin
The band it soon did fall apart they went their separate ways
They soon joined Booga in an alcoholic haze
The years dragged by the present bleak the future sure looked black
Then Lee decided it was time, to bring the music back
But Dobba couldn’t find the time he had a wife and child
And Booga was too busy drinking lager beer and mild
Charmer was a hopeless case and he was never missed
And every week he had to sign, the sex offenders list
But Shields he couldn’t wait to join the reformed band
And he turned up at Lee’s front door with lyrics in his hand
Now with guitar and drums and bass and keys and even horn
After all those years at last, the Fingolstones were reborn
Chorus x 2