The Fingolstones Firemen
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Picture
Vocals - Norbert
Guitar - Brian May
Bass - John Deacon
Drums - Roger Taylor
Picture
Foxy, The Charmer, The Chancer, Andrew Fow or Andrew Foy. Call him what you like it matters not. When you are the most desirable man on earth (to the ladies that is) a name is meaningless. As any long term or casual fan of the Fingolstones knows he is the rock upon which the Fingolstones exist. Without his influence there would be no band, no music, no songs, nothing. Unfortunately this did lead to a contract being put out on him in the early 1990’s. A mysterious cartel led by a shady character known only as “El Gofto” offered a bounty of £57.30 and a bar of Kendal Mint cake to anyone who could “take him out”. El Gofto reasoned that without his physical presence on the planet the Fingolstones would be forced to write songs about something, anything else.
However due to the badly written and ambiguous meaning of the words of the contract queues of excitable young teenage girls began to gather outside Foxys love shack eager to “take him out” on a date.
El Gofto was incensed and took himself off for a long weekend in the Lake District to cool off.
So the legend lived on and The Fingolstones penned their latest but by no means last tribute to their illustrious former band mate and muse.
As for El Gofto, he remains a man of mystery. There was a suspected sighting of him in Newcastle in the mid 1990’s but it turned out to be just his coat which El Gofto had loaned to a bloke called Kevin.

He keeps his Kouros and Old Spice
In his bathroom cabinet
He thinks he’ll wear Brut tonight
Cos it gets the ladies wet
He’s going down the Salty Club
And then he’s going to the pub
He’s meeting with the Possee
To have a good time

Budweiser, Holsten Pils
He liked to wear deep blue Gills
Extraordinarily tight

He’s a sad old queen
Oxy 10 and denture cream
Dresses like he’s still a teen
Guaranteed to pull a mare
Anywhere

Always out on the piss
All the ladies want a kiss
Get on this

He drank lots of lager
Which always kept his belly fat
In conversation
He spoke just like a common twat
Met a lass in Acker
Got a rash upon his knacker
He’ll need a trip to clinic
If it’s that way inclined

Clothes came naturally from Your Price
No they weren't very nice
Icewash and Kick

He’s a sad old git
Barnet and schmutters shit
Always looks like a tit
Never worked a day in his life
Too much strife

Out on the pull he says I’m no fool
Likes his ladies still at school
He flashes them his gap toothed smile
Makes the ladies run a mile
We know he's a paedophile

He's a sad old queen
No toothpaste or Listerine
His teeth are coloured mainly green
Diamond earring in his ear
Is he queer?

See him walking down the street
Kerb crawling like David Pleat
Two club feet

And a cauliflower ear
And a broken nose
And wooden leg


Picture
El Gofto’s coat, but where is El Gofto? If Arthur C Clarke still had his Mysterious World show they could do a whole episode on it.
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