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Daz - Vocals
Norbert - Backing Vocals, Guitar, Drums, Bass |
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The origins of the song Big Backside date back quite a number of years before the track was actually laid down. Norbert scribbled the lyrics down in an old notebook during the production of the Captain Whistle LP. The plan was for Dobba to learn how to play the tune on his guitar and Norbert would sing it. Unfortunately, as any long term fan of the Fingolstones would testify to, the Captain Whistle sessions were, to put it bluntly, shambolic.
Alcoholism, ventolin abuse and the constant hammering on the studio door by angry fathers of teenage girls looking to rip the bollocks off The Charmer did not make for ideal recording conditions. At the time Dobba, off his face on Loratadine hay fever tablets, could barely remember his own name never mind learn a whole new set of chords. Being quite proud of the lyrics Norbert decided to put the song on ice until the band were in a fit and proper state to do it justice. In 2008 following the reformation of the band the lyrics were dusted off and with Dobba fully engrossed in writing his novel Norbert set to work recording the backing track. After two minutes searching on the internet and a £1.50 download fee the song was ready to go. Originally the song was about some random fat lass but in order to keep within the theme of abusing their mates the lyrics were amended to be about Andy “Bunny” Bunting. Vocal duties were handed to Daz with Norbert providing harmonies (of a sort) on the choruses. The song was a massive hit. Gushing with praise Uber fan Paul “Goffy” Gofton described the song as “OK I suppose”. The lads were ecstatic and celebrated by drinking 8 pints and then instantly regretting it. 
After successfully suing the band for an undisclosed sum for defamation of character (believed to be in three figures), Andy Bunting used the money to fulfil a life long dream and buy himself a pub. Situated just outside the millionaires playground of Skegness, Popa’s Bar proved to be a popular haunt of A list celebrities. In 2012 Norbert visited the bar on a peace-making visit. Forgiving Norbert for his transgressions Bunny was happy to pose for a photograph with Norbert and his good mate Tom Cruise who had just popped in for a pint of mild and a chip butty.
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Andy Bunting seemed to find out early How to eat Cornish Pasties two by two And follow that up with a chicken curry Korma, Rogan Josh or Vindaloo Late at night he always felt quite hungry I guess a plate of chips would be nice And it breaks his heart to think the fridge is empty Filled up with nothing more than trays of ice He tells me he must go out for a pizza With a pint or ten of beer to wash it down And I know where he’s going as he’s leaving He’s heading for the eating side of town You can’t hide your big backside And your thighs are three feet wide I thought by now you’d realise There ain’t no meat inside them Pukka pies The other side of town a kebabs waiting With lots of chilli sauce and chips as well He drives on through the night anticipating Just how good that food is gonna smell He rushes in the shop to get his order He’s feeling in a really happy mood Cos now it’s nearly 2’o clock in morning Only 6 more hours until he gets more food You can’t hide your big backside And you thighs are three feet wide Thought by now you’d realise There ain’t no spuds in them MacDonalds fries He gets up and cooks himself some breakfast And stares out at the chippy down the street He feels the day is gonna be a long one Unless he gets at least fifteen tons to eat Pies and pasties, fish and chips and pizza MacDonalds, Burger King and KFC Is what he has for breakfast, lunch and supper He has twice as much as that when it’s time for tea My o my he sure knows how to eat things He can shovel it down so well so gracefully And as I look at him I can see clearly He’s twice the man he ever used to be You can’t hide your big backside And your thighs are three feet wide Thought by now you’d realise Food tastes so much better grilled than fried You’re supposed to eat the salad on the side It’s not there for you to try and hide Ain’t no way to hide your big backside |
