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Norbert - Vocals, Drums
Kenny Rogers - Guitar |
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And yo did the masses celebrate and the bells did ring throughout the land as the Fingolstones released a truly unique track covering a topic never covered before in the history of modern music. A tune so original it was as if the Gods themselves had bestowed it in all their graciousness and........................nope it was yet another song about The Charmer using a ripped off tune from a best selling artist who actually had talent.
To be fair, the rekindling of the love story of the century, on a par with that of an early 70’s Ali McGraw and Ryan O’Neil, was almost guaranteed to provide a glut, nay a plethora of ropey tunes and dodgy lyrics. Norbert just couldn’t help himself. Not content with the turgid bass heavy 20th Century Forbidden Love polluting the airwaves he decided a more lighthearted ballad style offering was the best way to advance the tale of the star crossed lovers. With the recent death of legendary Country And Western (do they still call it that?) tunesmith Sir Kenneth Rogers Norbert thought it a safe bet that his pinching of one Kenneths finest numbers would be very low down on the priorities of his grieving fans (Kenneths that is, not Norberts. Norbert being sadly very much alive). With the lyrics knocked off during his lunch break Norbert sought out Kenneths backing band to add authenticity to the track but then realised he had no idea who any of them were and couldn’t be arsed to Google it. So he downloaded a backing track from Karaoke.com and set to work. The track actually proved surprisingly popular. Former Fingolstone Dobba described it as “surprisingly mellow, you could play it to your Granny”. Uber fan Paul “Goffy” Gofton was unavailable for comment when approached by this writer as for some reason he stuck his fingers in his ears and repeatedly chanted “La La La La La”. 
Ali "Quick Draw" McGraw, star of the 1970 Hit Film "Love Story" that inspired this song.
And her co star Ryan O'Neil.
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Everyone considered him the Charmer of the Salty
He’d always chat the ladies up he’d never ever fail. The Possee called him Foxy and Nessie called him Chancer. He liked to wear Joe Bloggs and he liked to sup his ale. He was only ten years old when his daddy bought a three wheeler He took him driving through the town looking out for crack I still recall the fateful words that Freddie said to Andy "Son, they all look the same when lying on their back. Promise me, son, not to do the birds I've done Try and pull the munters if you can It won't mean you're sad if the birds you pull are bad I hope you're old enough to understand Son, please always check she’s not a man" There's someone for everyone, and Foxy’s love was Bulgie She had big tits, big blue eyes definitely not a bloke. One night while he was buying a round, the Jones boy came a calling Chatted up young Bulgie , and tried to have a poke Foxy nearly spilled his pint, when he saw the Jones boys schmutter The wonder stuff shirt, the tracky bottoms really made him grin. He put his arm round Bulgie and flashed his gap toothed smile As she melted into Foxy’s arms, he heard Freddie’s words again Promise me, son, not to do the birds I've done Try and pull the munters if you can They’ll take owt that they can get and you’ll always make them wet I hope you're old enough to understand The ugly birds all love a gap toothed man The Possee boys all greeted him as he walked in the Salty. Nice to see you’ve pulled at last is she a dirty whore Then Lawson turned around and said, "were there any faytin" Then Shields boy said he’d got a job they all fainted to the the floor. Twenty years of boozin could drink em under the table. Holsten Pils and J2O, he could out drink them all When Foxy finished drinking , not a Possee boy was standing He said, "this one's for Julie”, as he watched the last one fall (And I heard him say) I promised you, Fred, not to do the birds you did I always pulled the munters when I could But my Julie is a gem, and I can out drink all of them As Shieldsy stirred and mumbled me old blood Sometimes you gotta puke when you don’t feel good. Everyone considered him the Charmer of the Salty |
